The Sports Atheist
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The Umpire Has No Clothes
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Companion Audiobook

       Pick the Infidels. Let he who is without skin in the game cast the first stone...

 "When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro." --Hunter S. Thompson
"There is so much hypocrisy in sports. I'm nothing more than a slave." --Dennis Rodman
"Serious sport has nothing to do with fair play. It is war minus the shooting." ---George Orwell
"If a man watches three games in a row, he should be declared legally dead." --Erma Bombeck
"Pro football is like nuclear warfare. There are no winners, only survivors." --Frank Gifford
"The American people are sheep. The Super Bowl means more to them than human rights." --Jack Kevorkian
 "I have such a devotion and love for March Madness. For religious reasons. Call it my Sabbath. Yeah, that's my version of camping out in St. Peter's square, waiting for the white smoke to appear...nothing else matters but sports." --Brian Pedersen, sports columnist
"I want to kill people. I want to rip their stomachs out and eat their children." --Mike Tyson
"Well, I'm not a big sports fan." --Jeff Bridges
"I'm an agnostic." --Nightly Business Report's Susie Gharib on sports
"I hate all sports as rabidly as a person who likes sports hates common sense." --H.L. Mencken
"Try less to be a person of 'success' and more a person of 'value.'" --Albert Einstein
"You're right, Al. Scores that actually matter aren't tracked by ESPN." --Walter Witty, Sports Atheist
 From the “Lossary of Terms:”
PITCH CLOCK– A countdown timer that requires the pitcher to throw or be sidelined. Discovered to be in use in the 11th Dimension (by Stephen Hawking). . . an alternate world just a bit more rational about wasting time than we are on Planet Hollywood.

NASCAR– National Association of Scatterbrained Cachectic Acatalectic Republicans. (Unfortunately, few of them suffer from azoospermia.)

JUNK FOODS– Foods approved by sports clubs for marketing to kids, yet deemed unsafe for pets.

JUST DO IT– A slogan once popular at Penn State, and now at the State Pen.

KARDASHIAN— Any shopping list longer than a three burrito fart.

DYSPEPSIA– The queasy feeling, usually in the pit of one’s stomach, that one’s teammate got a better endorsement deal with Pepsi.

WAR– A game no one can win, although referees whose favorite song is “I think I can, I think I can” (ie. national anthems) pass out medals for individual skirmishes (battles) nonetheless. These medals are often made of the metal Unobtainium.
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