Origin of OCCUPY WALL STREET Finally Revealed
No, the Occupy Wall Street movement did not begin with the Tea Party, (that began with Cornelius Lipton, a trilateralist Civil War reenactor from Hackensack, New Jersey.) Occupy Wall Street began when high school science teacher Oliver Wendell Shuttlecock had an astonishing insight: that people with extreme amounts of money do not bend the light around them or invoke The Secret to obtain favor from the universe, but instead use visual tricks like magicians (and advertisers) to pick your pocket when you're not looking. Therefore, they are human beings who employ makeup, not gods worthy of worship. Oliver's frustration intensified when his investment portfolio collapsed in Oct. 2008, and Obama signed on to bailing out Lloyd Blankfein (who in turn made $42,900,000 in bonuses that year while paying only 1% in taxes.) Further investigation on Oliver's part revealed that special effects worthy of Pixar assisted in enhancing the business models of investment banks, who saw more profit in pushing paper than smelting iron or building fuel efficient cars to compete with Asians. Oliver's wife started the movement after Oliver was killed when his necktie got caught in an ATM machine as he was trying to insert his meager payroll check. Bank of America had charged his widow $495.88 for ATM repair (labor) and $5 for check imaging.
What the World Needs Now
(in addition to love)
DEEP SLEEP PILL. In a 75 year lifetime, 25 years are spent asleep. What a waste, especially for those who dream in black and white. One solution is to invent a machine which adds color to dreams {choices to include 256 colors, thousands, or millions to render delicate skin tones}. Another is to invent a new kind of sleeping pill that induces deep or REM sleep instantly. That way you could nap for 20 minutes, and be done with it. Your salary would double because you’d have an extra 7 hours and 40 minutes a day . . . unless you’re a couch potato, in which case, reruns.
VIDEO PET. Genetics are scary already. Imagine what will happen when canine and feline mood drugs are available. Bands of vicious cats could be called on to guard junkyards and nuclear power plants. Attack poodles, trained by Detroit, might hide under Japanese imports, bite the ankles of owners, and make off with their keys. Escalation, as foreseen by scientific experts, would then evolve thus: Datsun dachshund to Toyoto terrier to Kamikaze collie. 
SISTER CITIES--
What if all the States adopted a country, and each city in a State adopted a city in their adopted country? Well, some of the connections are obvious. Florida adopting Colombia, Arizona adopting Egypt, Massachusetts adopting Cuba, Georgia adopting the former state of Georgia, New Mexico adopting Mexico. Of course New York could have Russia, unless New Hampshire wants it. And California could have China or India. Some countries could go to states shaped like them, like Afghanistan or Zimbabwe to Ohio, or Guatemala to Mississippi. Who gets Iraq? Texas, of course. This way maybe everyone in the world won’t hate America so much as a whole, united as we are as this nebulous and "Great Satanic evil." We’ll just be their neighborly benefactors, supplying aid and comfort and McDonalds franchises. Sound like a plan? And if immigration is only allowed to those adoptive states, each state government could then decide how many teeming millions to allow across their state lines, or not. So no one would any longer be able point their finger at the United States. Baghdad would have to point at Houston, or Afghanistan at Nevada. What about Washington DC? Greece is the word.
My career as an investigative journalist has been amazing so far. I went from exposing a serial bomber in the post office (and then tracking him out into the desert south of Tucson for a final showdown) to uncovering the identity of a man who'd vanished after winning the biggest Powerball jackpot in history. Howard hired me to lead a coup attempt against a corrupt Caribbean island dictator. Then we went public and became celebrities. (Even got to play strip poker with George Clooney and Lady Gaga in his mansion, but I can't reveal how that turned out.) Next I went to Dubai on a tip that a greedy televangelist had absconded there in company of another con artist (who'd worked in the investment banking industry.) Staged my own con to get them to confess on the record. Currently I'm on assignment in Iowa, where a secret black ops government agency is conducting experiments on the residents of Zion involving a longevity formula stolen from the pharmaceutical industry. Don't believe me? Read all about it, my friend. Or listen to it.
2018 Final Solution to Debt Crisis
